What should I do now that my whole world has fallen apart?
Thirteen months ago, I launched a web site called Anything But Conservative to highlight Canada’s dismal record on global warming simply because I felt it should be THE issue during the Canadian election.
When the results were in, and nothing had changed, I transitioned the site to One Blue Marble, and settled in for a long fight against the forces of evil and stupidity in Canada’s government. I was so certain of the science, so sure of my convictions, that I didn’t notice the simple fact that many, many SCIENTISTS ARE DOING VERY STUPID THINGS THAT ARE DESTROYING THE PLANET!**
I now know that climate
criminals heroes Anthony Watts and Steve Milloy are on the sides of the angels because today, I too, will show myself to be smarter than all the people with three and four degrees after their names, and fancy-schmancy honorifics like doctor and professor in front of them. Today, I shall highlight the work of a handful of brilliant greedy and incompetent scientists who are trying to destroy our way of life just so they can publish papers, play with cool equipment, and collect pensions in 20 years.
It makes me feel so dirty!
Read these three paragraphs to better understand how the scientists are abusing our trust. And then join me as I demolish them with my superior intellect and keen insights, á là Anthony Watts at Watts Up With That.
Using data culled from more than 50 million laser measurements, scientists have assembled a picture of the rapidly thinning glaciers along the coastline of both the Antarctic and Greenland ice sheets. The findings provide valuable information that will improve the accuracy of predictions for future sea level rise due to global warming.
In the study, published in the prestigious journal Nature, researchers from British Antarctic Survey and the University of Bristol discovered that ice sheets are thinning, and the most profound thinning is occurring at the coastal areas where glaciers are calving into the sea at a rate much faster than previously anticipated. This thinning occurs at all latitudes in Greenland, and it has intensified in key areas in Antarctica. Interestingly, water temperatures — not air temperatures — have been driving the dramatic losses of ice.
Lead author Dr. Hamish Pritchard from British Antarctic Survey (BAS) says, “We were surprised to see such a strong pattern of thinning glaciers across such large areas of coastline — it’s widespread and in some cases thinning extends hundreds of kilometers inland. We think that warm ocean currents reaching the coast and melting the glacier front is the most likely cause of faster glacier flow. This kind of ice loss is so poorly understood that it remains the most unpredictable part of future sea level rise.”
Hello! Is anyone home? For Christ sake, these are scientists — the nerdiest of the nerds! I happen to know that 97.6 percent of them own boxed sets of Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, and Firefly, so they can’t be as naive as they pretend.
If you shoot 50 MILLION LASER BEAMS at various places around the planet, then of course Greenland is going to melt, and of course ice shelves in Antartica will crumble. It’s a SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY, and it’s just commonsense! I have to believe the scientists at the British Antarctic Survey understand these facts, and can only conclude that they are being deliberately deceptive, like Gore, Hansen, and all the other evil doers who use threats of global warming to line their pockets.
Thank god we don’t have phasars yet! Then I have to believe these British Antarctic Survey types would be deliberately setting off explosions and starting fires just to prove that global warming is real. Climate scientists everywhere would be using lasers to get research grants, and we’d be burning. Just think how much better off we’d be if this funding was used to end world hunger, or support drilling in the high Arctic.
So please join me as I transition my site to join the fight alongside Watts and others. (And my humble apologies for giving Watts a Double Dumb Ass Award).
I’m just going now to see if 50millionlaserbeams.com is available.
UPDATE: After Adrian’s comment, I’m going to come clean. This is filed under Humor, and I’m poking fun at people like Watts.
* We now know that this incredibly manipulative photo — called Mother Nature in Tears — was created by a laser cannon wielded by a BAS scientist. Photo credit: Marine photographer and environmental lecturer Michael Nolan
** I shout a lot in this post so you know that I am angry and that I am really, really serious. I also use a lot of exclamation points for the same reason!!